Tag Archives: humor

Go Irish! Beat Tide!

This one is for all the marbles:

Go Irish! Beat Tide!
Peter King, Notre Dame ’68 George Wallace, Alabama ’37
Father of Erin (’95, ’98) and Sean (’99), Chairman of House Committee on Homeland Security
Governor of Alabama, notorious segregationist, shot in Laurel, MD (PG in the house!)

Go Irish! Beat Trojans!

Go big or go home:

Go Irish! Beat Trojans!
Condoleezza Rice, Notre Dame ’75 Mohamed Morsi Isa El-Ayyat, USC ’82
Former Secretary of State, Future NFL Commissioner?
Islamist president of Egypt, self-appointed Pharaoh

Go Irish! Beat Eagles!

No explanation needed:

Go Irish! Beat Eagles!
Bob McDonnell, Notre Dame ’76 Luke Russert, Boston College ’08
Governor of Virginia, President in 2016?
MSDNC correspondent

I Don’t Know or Care if This is Fake

But this is awesome:

(h/t Steupz (@Bourgy)

 

Undecided Voter Pretty Sure He’s Some Kind Of Idiot

This essay on the Undecided voter may not be Shakespearian in a Herbert Kornfeld sense, but it is fantastic.  It should be read in conjunction with the brilliant Saturday Night Live skit on Undecided voters:

With just one day to go before the presidential election between Mitt Romney and Barack Obama, undecided voter Andrew Mueller is pretty sure he’s some kind of idiot, the 37-year-old Seattle resident told reporters today.

According to Mueller, he’s “had a feeling for a while” that he is a total imbecile and hopelessly stupid human being, and this sentiment has gained more traction in recent days as his political sympathies have remained divided between two candidates with drastically different views on the economy, health care, social issues, and the environment.

“I have to say, the fact that I’m still undecided a day before the election has started to make me think I must be a complete and utter moron,” Mueller said in a rare moment of insight and clarity. “I mean, this presidential campaign has essentially been going on for two years, during which the clearly divergent platforms of both parties have been articulated in attack ads, campaign appearances, debates, interviews, and thousands of articles online and in newspapers. So the fact that I can’t decide between candidates at this point can really only mean that I’m some sort of bumbling half-wit with little to no capacity for critical thought.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s what it is—I’m like a dumbshit or something,” he continued. “How else can you explain the fact that 24 hours before the election, I basically have no idea what’s going on? You can’t.”

According to Mueller, his newfound realization that he is an undeniable idiot or at least “a very, very dumb person” comes after years of ambivalence about the Democratic and Republican parties, during which he often misattributed his political uncertainty to factors other than being an indescribably thickheaded imbecile.

Before the midterm elections in 2010, Mueller switched his political affiliation from Democrat to Independent because he wanted to “vote on candidates and issues, not on political parties,” a decision he said “doesn’t necessarily make a person a moron, but certainly did in my case.” However, as the election draws near and Mueller remains no surer whom to vote for than he was a year ago, the undecided voter is increasingly convinced that his ambivalence is due not to his affiliation as a political independent and its attendant ideologies, but to the fact that he is, quite simply, an entirely brainless dimwit.

“Before now, I felt I was just being thoughtful, carefully weighing each candidate’s statements and making sure I was informed on the important issues, but that couldn’t be further from the truth,” said Mueller, adding that he once even thought that being undecided lent him a sort of mystique, a notion he now considers “almost as fucking dumb as I am.” “In reality, I’m actually just a spectacular dolt who doesn’t have the remotest understanding of how this country’s political system works, or really what the hell I’m doing in general.”

“However, I do care about the issues, in my way,” he added. “I’m just really, really stupid. Like, really stupid.”

At press time, Mueller said he had nearly made up his mind in favor of Romney before seeing an Obama attack ad, which made him consider supporting the president.

Not That I’m Counting or Anything

 

Go Irish! Beat Sooners!

Regular readers of this blog know we’re all about the Battleground States and only the Battleground States, but somehow the software malfunctions every now and again and a non-Battleground State post slips through the cracks. It looks like this has happened once more. The odds may be great against the Irish today but that’s nothing new to Domers:

Go Irish! Beat Sooners!
 
David Freddoso, Notre Dame ’99 Elizabeth Warren, born and raised in Oklahoma
Editorial Page Editor, Washington Examiner
Running for Senate in Massachusetts, fake Indian, hates America

Go Irish! Beat Cougars!

This blog is all about Battleground States but there is Romney-Ryan intrigue around this match-up, so I’m breaking the rules and green-lighting this otherwise non-political post:

Go Irish! Beat Cougars!
Tobin Ryan, ND ’87 Larry Echo Hawk, BYU ’70
Older brother of Paul Ryan
Head of the Obama Bureau of Indian Affairs

The heading attached to this photo: @tromney At BYU Notre Dame game w Tobin Ryan. Loser wears other team’s gear. Go cougars!

Mitt Romney’s surprisingly hilarious speech at the Al Smith dinner

Has Obama released his agenda yet?

Has Obama released his agenda yet?

13 Iowa Voters Apologize for Supporting Obama in 2008 in Full Page Ad

This ad reminds me of the “It’s OK to not vote for Obama again” ads we saw a couple months ago:

A full-page Mitt Romney campaign ad in today’s Cedar Rapids Gazette takes the form of an open letter from 13 Iowans who say they voted for President Barack Obama in 2008 but regret their choice and won’t do so again in 2012. The letter is phrased as an apology, and lays out a case for why Romney, the Republican nominee is a better choice this time around. “Mitt Romney will deliver the real recovery that President Obama has failed to bring, he’ll get Americans working again, and he’ll turn our economy around,” the letter says.

I cut the ad in half for spacing purposes.  The top-half is on the left and the bottom half is on the right:

Vice President Debate Drinking Game

Unfortunately nothing from Conservative Intel on a Vice President debate drinking game so we’ll go with National Journal’s drinking game below.  But first our friends at Conservative Intel draw our attention to this absolutely hysterical video to get you ready for tonight’s fisticuffs:

Vice Presidential Debate Drinking Game

1-Drink Events

  • Joe Biden says “literally” about something that is not literal.
  • The middle class is said to have been “buried.”
  • Anyone says the word “wonk.”
  • Joe Biden says something that makes you or your debate-watch partner physically cringe.
  • Paul Ryan uses his mother as an example to pitch Romney’s Medicare plan.
  • Joe Biden tells an anecdote about a person from a swing state.
  • Paul Ryan deflects debate over the “Ryan budget” by saying he isn’t running on it.
  • Anyone says “lame duck,” “fiscal cliff,” or “sequester.”
  • Joe Biden refers to a policy or problem as being “a big … deal.” Take another few drinks if those ellipses are filled in.
  • Sen. Ron Wyden, D-Ore., gets brought up by name.
  • The war in Afghanistan, now entering its 12th year, is mentioned.

2-Drink Events

  • Joe Biden says “literally,” and he means it.
  • Ayn Rand is mentioned by either candidate.
  • Joe Biden defends the stimulus and his role in overseeing the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act.
  • The camera cuts away to an audience member gazing dreamily at Paul Ryan.
  • Joe Biden name checks a member of the audience.
  • Either candidate accuses the other of making Medicare unsustainable for people under age 55.
  • Joe Biden keeps up the Obama campaign’s push about Mitt Romney going after Big Bird.
  • Joe Biden accuses Paul Ryan of lying during the debate.
  • Paul Ryan brings up the contents of his iPod.
  • On Medicare, either candidate mentions the figure $716 billion.
  • Either candidate alludes to the historic age gap between them, which places Joe Biden in the Senate when Paul Ryan was only 2.
  • Anyone says “P90X.”

3-Drink, Red-Alarm Events

  • Paul Ryan or moderator Martha Raddatz says, in mock-Alaskan, “Say it ain’t so, Joe.”
  • Joe Biden dons his Amtrak conductor’s hat.
  • Joe Biden misstates the name of the place in which he is debating.
  • Paul Ryan pulls out a well-worn copy of Atlas Shrugged and tells America who John Galt is.
  • Joe Biden takes out his prop chains.
  • Paul Ryan is accidently referred to as the Republican presidential nominee by anyone, including himself.
  • Joe Biden winks at Martha Raddatz.
  • Joe Biden compliments Mitt Romney, says he’s “articulate and bright and clean and a nice-looking guy,” or some combination thereof.
  • Paul Ryan doubles-down and claims to have run a marathon in less time than it took Joe Biden to finish his Democratic National Convention speech.

Breaking News: Obama Campaign Feels Good About the Race

The comedy writes itself:

Maybe they can get Kevin Bacon to reprise this role as Axelrod or Messina in the Chicago Headquarters in the sure-fire Emmy winning Game Change II: Electric Boogaloo

The Campaign Count

Full marks to the Republican National Committee team for this:

Go Irish! Beat Hurricanes!

Since this blog is all about Battleground States and one of the Battlegrounds is competing, I’m green-lighting this otherwise non-political post:

Go Irish! Beat Hurricanes!
Robert Costa, ND ’08 Chuck Todd, alumni status same as Luther Campbell
National Review NBC

Taiwanese Animation Obama-Romney presidential debate 2012: Mitt clobbers Obama

For the Crazy Man:

Word Cloud of Obama’s debate performance

If Your Neighbor Threatens to Leave the Country if Romney Wins, Send Them This

This was a sentiment I heard a ton in 2004 but not really in 2008.  I think Republicans really need to leave this type of petulance to the Left.  But if you’re so inclined, Jet Blue is there to fly your neighbors right out of the country if your candidate for President loses. JetBlue is having fun with this any making the tickets round-trip, but I really think they should be one-way.  I belatedly signed up Alec Baldwin for his 2004 bed-wetting.  He lives 2 blocks away and is a major league jerk in person just as much as he is caricatured in the media:

JetBlue offers free flight out if your man loses election

(AFP) – 36 minutes ago

NEW YORK — Ever threaten to leave the United States if your candidate loses the November election? JetBlue Airways will help bitter partisans fulfill that promise — with free flights out for the losers. The low-cost carrier announced its “Election Protection” gimmick Wednesday to coincide with the first presidential debate between incumbent Barack Obama and his Republican rival Mitt Romney.

“We’ve all heard it said before: if my candidate does not win, I’m leaving the country,” senior vice president for marketing Marty St. George said in a statement. “We decided to give people a chance to recover from the political noise and follow through on their claim to skip town if their candidate comes up short.”

Participants will need to go on the JetBlue website, choose their candidate, and sign in through Facebook to be eligible to win one of over 1,000 tickets that will be given away to those whose guy fails to win the White House. JetBlue flies nonstop to 21 international destinations, including Aruba, Barbados, Jamaica and Costa Rica. Should those who bolt feel a longing to return, don’t worry; the free flights are round-trip.

This is Brilliant

The Romney campaign making swift work of Joe Biden’s honest assessment of what the Obama Presidency has meant to the middle class.  Here is the “Honest Joe” shirt they are now selling as Romney SWAG:

Almost makes you want to root for a 269 – 269 electoral college finish when Romney becomes President and we get 4 more years of Biden’s lunacy.

Presidential Debates Drinking Game

The comediennes over at Conservative Intel Briefing have a chart for those able to imbibe adult beverages (or non-adult I guess) during the Presidential Debate tomorrow.

Hopefully before this election is all over I’ll be able to join the fun because this sober blogging is getting kind of old:

Virginia Gas Station has Fun at Joe Biden’s Expense

This was a sign posted outside the gas station in Virginia during Joe Biden’s campaign stop.  Photo compliments of Joy Lin and Carrie Dann:

“The Breakup”

Democrats Path to Prosperity: Ban Profits

Peter Schiff has some fun with delegates at the Democrat Convention:

 

 

689 Reasons to Defeat Barack Obama

From our friends at National Review:

1. Because he was not the one we were waiting for.
2. “Forward.”
3. Because Julia needs to get off her lazy, federally subsidized butt, get a real job, and pay for her own damned birth-control pills.
4. Because lots of people fail at their first real job.
5. Because “Winning the Future” was not a very good slogan back in 2005 when it was Newt’s.
6. Because the country is ready for its first African-American former president.
7. To give him the free time to write his third memoir.
8. Because he’ll have even more “flexibility” after November if he’s back in Chicago.
9. Joe Biden.
10. So that dissent will once again be the highest form of patriotism.
11. Because he didn’t quite get the message in 2010.
12. For claiming that he would cut the deficit in half.
13. And then adding more than $5 trillion in new debt.
14. To remind him that debt used to be, in his own words, “unpatriotic.”
15. Because the buck never stops.
16. For blaming President Bush.
17. For blaming headwinds.
18. For blaming Japanese earthquakes.
19. For blaming ATMs.
20. He can’t get the vice president to stop calling him “Barack” in public.
21. Gabby Giffords shooting commemorative T-shirts and pep rally.
22. Because he listened to the Reverend Wright’s crackpot racist diatribes for years and then gave us a lecture on racism.
Continue reading

How can Obama win Ohio if he can’t spell O-H-I-O?

To be clear this is NOT a photoshopped image:

Mitt Romney Ohio spokesman Christopher Maloney tweeted out that he caught President Obama in an embarrassing error — misspelling Ohio:

A word of advice to @barackobama: it’s “O-H-I-O” that has 18 electoral votes, not “O-I-H-O” twitter.com/CHRISMAL0NEY/s…

 

And someone please turn on the air conditioning in that place.

“Run, Joe, Run”

#PaulRyanFacts

via Crossroads Generations:

Admit It, I Scare The Ever-Loving Shit Out Of You, Don’t I? — Paul Ryan

By Paul Ryan
Candidate for Vice President of the United States
August 13, 2012 | ISSUE 48•33

When Mitt Romney selected me as his running mate, I knew the Democratic attack dogs would come out in full force. They would say I’m a right-wing ideologue. They would say my views on entitlement programs are far too radical. They would say putting me on the ticket immediately kills Mitt Romney’s chances of becoming president because I’m a liability. But if we’re being honest with each other—if we’re able to put aside the talking points for a few minutes and say what we’re all actually thinking and feeling—I believe we can acknowledge the real truth here.

I’m young, I’m handsome, I’m smart, and I’m articulate. And that scares the ever-loving shit out of you. You can pretend like you have this thing in the bag, but you know good goddamn well that this race just got real interesting, real fast.

It’s okay to admit it. You’re frightened to death of me. It might actually be healthy for you to face your fears now rather than later, when Mitt and I are leading by a few points in the polls and it looks like this thing might end badly for you. Face it: I’m not some catastrophe waiting to happen, like a Sarah Palin or a Dan Quayle. On the contrary, you have the exact opposite fear. I’m a solid, competent, some might say exceptional, politician.

Did you get nervous when you read that last sentence? Is it because you know in your heart of hearts that it’s 100 percent true? Is it because, even if you strongly disagree with my beliefs on Medicare, Social Security, women’s rights, and marriage equality, you know my talent as a speaker and my well-thought-out approach to these issues—no matter how radical and convoluted you find them—might just be enough to win over independent voters?

Do you get chills just thinking about how strong my appeal actually is?

I have another question for you: How scared are you that I can convince people I’m right? Because I’m good at it. No, I’m really good at it. You see, I know how to turn up the charm and charisma without putting people off. Then I back up what I’m saying with arguments that, when they come out of my mouth, sound completely accurate and well-reasoned. And I do it with such passion that people automatically recognize me as a man with deep convictions he will stand up for, no matter what.

The American people love that shit. They love it.

Continue reading

The Ryan Plan versus The Obama Plan

Isn’t it funny that Obama surrogates in the media can enthusiastically criticize the Ryan budget plan without ever acknowledging that four years into Obama’s Presidency he still has no plan?

Clearly some people are noticing:

Hey Girl, It’s Paul Ryan

With Paul Ryan’s wonkishness, the lighter side of his personality is often over-looked. An enterprising young lady in Chicago began creating pick-up lines the overly wonkish might use and “Hey Girl, It’s Paul Ryan” was born:

It all started with a fantasy about noodling for catfish with Paul Ryan. At her office in Chicago, Emily Zanotti, 30, a conservative political consultant, was reading Monday’s New York Times profile of Wisconsin Rep. Paul Ryan that mentioned his love of hunting catfish with his bare hands. The image of Paul Ryan “standing half naked in a river”—as she envisioned it—gave Zanotti an idea.

Using MemeCreator.com, she pulled up three images of Ryan and put them behind the wonkiest, most inside-baseball political pickup lines that came to mind. “Hey girl,” the white text flashed in front of Ryan’s picture, as he gazed longingly into the camera. “I had a dream about you last night. We were cutting the budget. It got pretty intense.”